One more struggle
Disclaimer: This is my perspective on what I’ve been — and am going — through. If you happen to suffer/closely know someone that suffers from some disease, this may make you uncomfortable. Please read at your own discretion.
There’s two stages that I went through when I was diagnosed. Acceptance and denial. And like in any tragedy, the denial came first, followed slowly by the acceptance.
I started having backache from June ’19. The first doctor said it was because of my bad diet schedule. The second doctor said that my posture was causing it. Then I fainted. I was told to get an ECG done which happened to show a small abnormality, and this was followed by a ultrasound and a CT scan.
Denial
The ultrasound showed some mass in my left chest. The CT scan showed that it was something very serious. A tumor.
Okay! That’s okay. The weather seems very weird. It’s bright and dark at the same time. I thought “huh, time to wake up and celebrate mom’s birthday”. But the sunlight isn’t hitting me, and my family is still sick worried about what’s happening. There’s no way this can be real. Of the 7 billion people on the Earth, why is it me?
Acceptance
What else can you do? Accept it. It’s science. Shit happens.
I realized that losing minds isn’t worth it, because I can’t change anything about this. I could sit down depressed the rest of my life or just be happy that I’m alive. Trust me, it’s not easy to be fully positive, but you can try hard. This isn’t just for me, but for my friends and family too. I have courage and they get hope.
The part that sucks
or as the doctors call it — chemo. Chemotherapy drains you out. Imagine feeling like a potato for 5 days straight. Physically tired, brain function down the gutter and all you want is to drink water without puking. Feels like you’re in a dark tunnel. All you can do is look towards the light and plan on what you can eat after you’re back on monster appetite.
The part that doesn’t
Hair fall — probably the easiest part of the entire journey. This is easier if you’re a guy. The way it worked for me was nothing like I ever expected. One night my scalp was itchy, the next morning my hair fell down in a swoop! Not that I hadn’t expected this, but I didn’t expect it to be so comic — or to happen on the morning of an important interview.
I knew that I had nothing to be worried about, because there are so many people in the world that are bald. Little did I know I was gonna undergo a style makeover.
Things to keep in mind
Trust the doctors. They’re the only people that know what’s happening to you. Let go of reddit and google if you find out otherwise, because Mr. Reddit isn’t treating you, the doctors are.
Take it one day at a time. With the treatment and the physical and mental stress that come with it, you’re doing yourself a favor by not overthinking. If you can’t help it, distract yourself. Work on
Do what you want. Well… if life isn’t as long as you thought it’d be, shouldn’t you be taking control of it? Watch all those horrible movies you wanted to watch, vampire story books, random web series, sing a song and I tell you — text your crush!
Hope for a better tomorrow.
I’m having a better hell of a tomorrow than I ever thought I would! Landed an internship at an amazing company ❤, shot portraits for beautiful models :P and got fast Wi-Fi at home!
